There’s a verse in Ephesians that’s often quoted, but rarely explained in a way that actually helps people live.
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood…” (Ephesians 6:12)
Most of us were taught to hear that verse through a religious filter. When we do, it starts to mean something only religious people understand—usually involving invisible enemies somewhere “out there.”
But God so loved the world.
Truth isn’t confined to church language.
Years ago, I took—and later facilitated—a course called Breaking Barriers. In that course, I heard a sentence that stopped me in my tracks:
“Change your thinking and you can change your life.”
I didn’t know why it excited me so much at the time. Years later, I realized why—it was because Jesus said the same thing, just using different words:
“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”
Repentance isn’t about shame.
It’s about changing how you see.
The Reality Model (without religious language)
The Cognitive Reality Model starts with human needs—things we all share:
the need to live
the need to love and be loved
the need to feel important, valued, or meaningful
Those needs shape our principles—the conclusions we draw about how life works.
Those principles are enforced by rules we live by.
Those rules form behavior patterns.
Those behaviors produce results.
And then comes the most honest question in the whole model:
Do the results of my behavior meet my needs over time?
If not, the problem isn’t effort.
It’s the principle.
This is where it became personal for me
The first time I heard “change your thinking and you can change your life,” I was locked up—for the third time.
Whatever principles I was living by…
Whatever rules I was following…
Whatever behaviors I kept repeating…
The results were consistent.
I kept ending up in jail.
That last time could have resulted in forever.
So when I heard that question—
Do the results of my behavior meet my needs over time?
—I couldn’t explain it away.
The issue wasn’t willpower.
It wasn’t effort.
It wasn’t even other people.
It was the principles I was living from
and the power those principles had over me.
This is exactly what Paul was talking about
When Paul says:
“…but against principalities…”
He’s talking about principles—core beliefs that govern how we live.
When he says:
“…and powers…”
He’s talking about the influence and sway those principles carry.
We don’t wrestle with flesh and blood.
We wrestle with ideas that feel true,
rules that feel necessary,
and patterns that feel inevitable.
Not demons on rooftops—
but beliefs seated in authority.
Why this matters
If you think your problem is people, you’ll keep fighting people.
If you realize the problem is the principle, the fight changes.
Jesus didn’t come to teach us how to fight harder.
He came to open blind eyes.
Because once you see—
the wrestling shifts
the pressure lifts
and freedom starts at the root
That’s repentance.
That’s the kingdom coming into view.
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